cammeh: (GO PENS GO)
[personal profile] cammeh
I feel like a black hole. Even typing is hard.

I poured every bit of hope and faith I had into pulling for them - literally spent the last five minutes with my hands clasped so tight they went white, chanting ‘you can do it boys I believe in you, you can do it boys I believe in you, you can do it boys I believe in you’ over and over and over nonstop inside my own head. Forget game 5. Forget game 6. You can do it you can do it you can do it youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit.

But they didn’t.

I leave it to people who know way more than I do about hockey to tear apart why. And to tear the boys apart in the process too, undoubtedly. I know it’s going to be brutal. They threw away a 3-1 series, it probably should be brutal.

But I really don’t care right now, honestly. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t want to see gifs of the post-game and post-season interviews and have to see Sid’s face and Geno’s face and Flower’s face and Tanger’s face and Suttsy’s face and Nisky’s face and see the heartbreak and disappointment and self-loathing as they have to talk about it and know that some of them are probably never going to play wearing a Pens jersey again. I don’t want to see them trying to wall that hurt and loss away from media and fans who just want to dig their claws right into it.

I wanted them to win, and they didn’t. I wanted them to be happy, and they’re not. I love them, wish them joy, that’s why I became a fan of this game in the first place, and I know right now they have devastation instead. I can’t imagine what they’re going through and it hurts.

(#it hurts #jesus #words are so hard right now #it's like I'm trying to talk through an enormous lump in my throat #voice halting and wavering but instead it's my hands shaking instead #blurry tears #wow #this really sucks #I feel like I let them down by not believing hard enough or something #I don't know #sports are weird)
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October 2014

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